i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We are two peas in an std pod
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
