i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
