you would pick up someone in the library
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
