he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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