just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
