Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
