i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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