the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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