I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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