Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize