I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love you. Go after that dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
