The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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