Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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