Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
