she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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