that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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