I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
not ubering you a puppy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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