I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
