Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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