you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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