There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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