im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She even gives head with a lisp.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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