New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
