Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize