it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
