so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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