Buhtt sex?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't put those talents on a resume
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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