I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
