I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
