i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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