A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
