did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
