I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
