you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
