Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
