I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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