What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
