if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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