Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
