I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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