If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
