this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
