dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
