He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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