you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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