We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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