if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
