yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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