you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
