She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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