Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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