I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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