I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
