You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
