Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
