Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
