How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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