I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
