Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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