i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
