I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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