i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
