please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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