dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
