Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
