I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
