I'm so fucking centered right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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